human dancing == pony prancing

In anticipation for Toit Nups, the boy and I are taking dancing lessons. I knew this was something we should do. BF has always been into dancing and has wanted me to do social dance with him for years (literally 10 of them, he asked if we could take dance classes the second year we were together).  So even if it wasn’t at the top of my list of “must do”s, I wanted to take dance lessons. So that I didn’t look like a fool on this highly photographed night, and because someone I love wanted to do it.

All that said, I was feeling weirdly shaky and emotional walking into our first dance lesson. Not confident at all, and with that weird feeling behind the eyes that suggests tears are on their way. Which is not really how you want to enter a new learning paradigm.

So we started dancing. (We’re doing a rumba, in case you’re curious.) And at some point I asked our dance instructor Christy about how much pressure I should be putting into her head, as she demonstrated how I was to follow.  She returned a thorough and lengthy response about how some people like a firmer lead than others, but for her the amount of pressure I was giving back to her as the lead was just right.

And I was like “Oh, okay. I know how this works. It’s like contact.” I perked up a lot after that.

A little later, we were talking about something else — I think steering. Christy was telling the boy that he needs to guide clearly and concisely when leading, and have a plan so that I, as the follower, have an easy job of following.

That’s when it clicked.

This is just riding.

Only I’m the horse.

who’s a pretty pony? you both are!!

So here are a few things I’ve learned about riding from dance lessons in the last week.

Rhythm is essential

I have great rhythm and timing. I can count to four, I can find a beat in a song, and I find it nigh-on INTOLERABLE when a cloud is clapping in time and the beat slowly gets faster.  The boy has zero timing.  ZERO.

Do you know how hard it is to have rhythm when the person leading you has no rhythm? When you’re stepping to four and he’s stepping to three, it’s literally not possible to maintain a four beat rhythm.

Dear beginner riders: if you’re reading this, for the love of all that is good in this world, do not fuck with your horse’s rhythm.

Plan the fuck ahead

So not only does my dear future husband have no rhythm, he also doesn’t have a plan and it is literally the worst and most infuriating thing ever.  Sure, we can go around and around and around in endless circles as we sloooow-quick-quick-sloooow-quick-quick around the box that rhumba prescribes.

Without a plan, we can do at best one or two movements before we peter out into nothingness (or just endless basic steps). Worse is when BF doesn’t have a plan and tries to make things up on the fly and mashes two movements together, or tries to do something and just massively flubs it. Unfortunately, this just reinforces crappy habits and bad muscle memory sooooo yeah, I’m hoping to avoid this as much as possible.

We’re obviously getting better at the “have a plan” thing.  Evidently having a plan (and dancing the plan!) is a skill you need to practice. But not having a plan is the pits.

plan ahead, Nicole. do not forget your girth at a show, Nicole. do not sprain your knee the day before a show, Nicole!!

Meet your partner halfway

Nobody is convincing me to be a stronger follow by pushing into me more. In fact, it’s a lot easier for me to follow our dance instructor, who has a much lighter contact, than it is to follow my actual partner. I’ve been working hard at convincing him to lighten up, but in the mean time I have to push back at least a little bit.

I mean, in this scenario I’m the horse. So yeah, it would be nice if our horses could think it through and meet us halfway. But they can’t (necessarily). Which suuuucks, but is what we get for not riding motorcycles.

 

I am just like my horse

In every conflict we have in our dance lessons, I am Murray. Not just in the “Nicole is the horse here” analogy. I have the exact same problems as Murray. BF wants a lot more contact than I do. He tends to push his hand into mine with more force than I want, and in response I just back off. Just like Murray.

I have a tendency to try to take over and lead. The second my partner doesn’t have a plan, I just take over and start doing my own thing. No need to worry, fearless leader! I’ve got this. Now where are we going?

Nope, nothing like the horse I know and love. Nothing.

at least I don’t throw pony tantrums when something unexpected happens?

I am a terrible, terrible anticipator. Are we turning now? Now? Is it now? Did we do three turns last time? So three again this time, right? No? Five? WHAT. We did a change of direction here last time, are we doing it again?

Yeah so. Three dancing lessons have given me a really ridiculous amount of perspective on riding and an insane amount of sympathy for the garbage that I put my horse through.

I only hope I’m a better rider than my future husband is a dancer!

the jury’s still out, but one can hope

i do not believe

An animal communicator came to my barn this week, and while they were setting up appointments (well in advance) trainer told me that several people were willing to pitch in to hear my horse’s feels, needs, and communications if I’d be willing to cover the rest of the appointment cost.  I somewhat reluctantly acquiesced — who I am I to keep the people from what they want?  The experience was interesting.  I’ll split it up into a few major sections: the set up, the mildly interesting, the hokum, and the inconsistencies.

Let me preface this by telling you that I’m not religious, or even really spiritual.  I don’t rule out that there is life on other plants, but I certainly don’t buy any cryptozoology here on earth (no Nessie, yeti, etc.).  “Spooky” occurrences never strike me as anything more than the least interesting of coincidences, I understand well-explained engineering explanations for the pyramids and Easter Island Moai, and I don’t believe that people can read minds — animal or human.  Certainly some humans are better at understanding human body language, intonation, verbal language, psychology, and micro-cues better than others that might lead them to a greater insight about that person.  These are all well-described aspects of how psychics “work”.  And I don’t doubt at all that some humans are better at doing that with some animals than others.  But for not one second have I ever believed that a person can read an animal’s mind (in the classic sense that we think of it).

Now? I still do not believe.

Aimee understands me

(Oh, and there’s no media associated with this experience because pictures of my horse standing around tied to a post while someone talks at me are simply not good media.)

The Set Up

I learned very early on in the appointment-making process that people wanted Murray read.  So he was on the list pretty early.  But at Camelot a few weekends ago, some teenagers (and even a few adults) who had recently had their horses “read” by this particular communicator were singing her praises.  The word of mouth from the teenagers was nigh unbelievable.  And, quite frankly, coming from teenagers, it was sure to be unreliable.  If you’re a teenager reading this, please know that I mean you no personal offense.  It’s not your fault, it’s just biology: your forebrain is literally not developed yet.  In fact, it won’t be until you’re around 26.  Teenagers are all, categorically, missing an important part of their brain.  Don’t worry — you’ll grow out of it.

he grew out of it!

I was told that this communicator knew and said things — without prompting — that no living human except the owner could know.  For example, communicator told an owner that her new horse loved his new, monogrammed clothes that she had gotten him — and that girl had literally just received a monogrammed cooler the day before and immediately put them in her tack locker without showing any other humans, but she did stop off at her stall and show her horse his new cooler.  She told another girl that her horse didn’t like his neighbor, and if the neighbor didn’t start behaving soon, he would kick that neighbor in the head to teach him a lesson — just as he had been kicked in the head when he was an annoying youngster.  One horse told his owner that she’d better make sure his insurance was current, as he was feeling a little colicky.  He needed colic surgery two weeks later.

The adults were more circumspect.  One trainer just told me “I’m pretty sure she reads humans, and projects that on to the horse. Because she told me my own goals as if my horse were telling me she wanted to do those things — but I don’t talk to the mare about my goals.”

It’s easy for stories like this to get amplified and exaggerated.  Communicator guesses that a new horse might get a little colicky on new feed and new schedule, horse colics within some “reasonable” time frame, and boom — communicator was right.  Let’s ignore the fact that probably a third of all horses colic to some degree or another every year.  All it takes is one person putting their own experience and knowledge on top of what the communicator says for a) the communicator to take that info and run with it, and b) the stories people tell one another to become full on lies about what did and didn’t happen.

Skepticorn wasn’t buying it.

The Mildly Interesting

I was slightly anxious on my way to the barn for my appointment.  I didn’t know why.  I think it was because I was about to confront someone in a position of “authority”, and that always makes me a little gkrhfk.  Yeah, that’s a feeling.  I resolved not to tell any lies, but not to offer up any more information than I was directly asked for.  I was obviously going to be polite — just because I don’t believe in something doesn’t mean I have the right to be rude — but I didn’t know what kind of ridiculousness I might be up against.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see any other appointments, as I had to work (and the part of one I did see was incredible uninteresting), so I didn’t know what I was in for.

The communicator walked up to Murray, introduced herself to him, let him sniff a few essential oils she offered him, then mumbled to him and made signs with her hands over his body.  She started talking standing next to him, but he wasn’t the hugest fan of her casual touching, so she moved a safe distance away and sat down.

she said his lower back/lumbar was hurting and he wants rads
it’s not exactly a hard thing to “read” — murray has a not-insignificant lump/roach in his lower back that is very obvious right now

The first interesting thing she said was that Murray has a lot of opinions and likes to complain.  That elicited a laugh from me and the eight (yes, eight) spectators watching.  Later she said he had a really big ego (then complimented me for managing it).  I mean, eight people were watching his appointment, sooo….

The second interesting thing was that Murray stood really, really quietly during the appointment.  Like, his head was down, he was halfway napping, and he even gently rested his face on me a few times.  The communicator said he was trying to hide from her, he didn’t want to talk to her, and he felt like he was being “busted”, because he kept putting his head behind the post he was tied at, and positioning himself away from her.  I think that was just closer to where I and barn manager were standing.  I don’t really ever hang out with him tied without fussing over him to some degree or another, and I was very clearly not in riding clothes (another context in which I don’t normally just “hang out” at the barn with Murray), so perhaps that contributed. I’ll do an experiment to that end soon.

The Hokum

I’m not going to be able to list all of Murray’s complaints and comments, since I don’t remember them all, but there were some notable ones.  There were also plenty of moments where the psychic-playing-off-human-reactions stuff was incredibly evident.

For one, Murray reported that his GI tract was feeling great (stomach, lower intestine, upper intestine, and cecum all good!) and his lungs (left and right) are solid.  Um, great.  But his bladder is apparently bothering him.  When discussing his behavior a bit later in the appointment, she asked if he bucked or played under saddle (or something to that effect).  I responded that yes, he can buck under saddle, and we had a brief discussion about when the last time that was.  Communicator came back to the bladder, saying that she had a horse who was a big bucker who stopped immediately after his bladder health was addressed.  I was also assured that Murray is pretty sure the hind end pain isn’t in his hocks (ok thx dude, still going to get them checked out).  She circled back to the bucking later too, and told me that he doesn’t want to be bad, he’s not trying to be malicious (incredibly obvious if you’ve ever seen him going, but will admit that she hasn’t), he sometimes just can’t help himself.

She kept coming back to his mouth as a source of some concern, but couldn’t seem to get any more details about it.  She asked me what my bit is (loose ring French link) and said that was a fine baby bit.  I didn’t tell her that Murray sometimes gets foxtails under his lips in the Spring and I’ve had to pull them out (I’ve checked a few times this year and no problems).  She did wonder if he gets food under his tongue while the bit is in, and I do give him treats while we’re working under saddle sometimes, so that I guess could go in the “mildly interesting” category.

The communicator also asked me if Murray had ever disappointed me.  “Of course he has!” I responded.  I included that I haven’t really been disappointed in him for two years or so, and that a lot of my disappointment was unrealistic expectations.  She said that he felt bad for breaking my heart, and disappointing me “often”.  Often was his word.  Can you say generic?  What horse and rider haven’t been disappointed by one another and lived to regret it at some point in a multi-year career?  Only robots, that’s who.

Murray also wanted me to know that he likes me.  He was worried that I thought he didn’t like me.  I was like “okay”.  I did not tell her that, while I do sometimes wish my horse were cuddlier by nature, I do not give any shits that he may or may not “like me”.  I’m not here to make friends, dude.

Communicator also asked if we show, at what level, and how often.  I said we would be moving up to Novice in August.  She was like “great, he thinks you’ve been at the lower level long enough!”  She got a fair bit of detail from me about it, and we discussed his showing “anxiety” and how Murray thinks he will soon — by the end of the year — be able to meet my expectations and “mental image” of him.

Lest you think these are all the trappings of a “bad” communicator, let me assure you that some people at my barn (and the aforementioned teenagers) think that this woman is very, very, very good.  I’m just explaining in an absurd amount of detail the way that any psychic or communicator works to draw the information out of you.  I felt so comfortable with this woman, and it would be really easy to tell her anything and everything.  And if she’s good at reading people and horses, I’m sure she could, and did, take absolutely every cue that I was offering her — whether it was my crossed arms, or “secret” eye rolls, or the eagerness in my voice when I asked if Murray liked to jump (see below for more detail) — and run with it to get me more info.

Also, he doesn’t like his show name.  Uncertainty Principle, even though he’s earned it, is too much like a black mark — a little too honest, eh kiddo?  Suck it the fuck up, it’s staying.  Murray wouldn’t tell the communicator his true name though.  To which I say, good fucking call dude.  Telling someone your real name isn’t safe.

about as tight as that front end ever gets

The Inconsistencies

There were several things that came up during the appointment that were downright false, or changed through our discussion.

She said his saddle fit is great.  That can’t be true.  I have two wildly differently fitting saddles — they can’t both fit him great.  And she didn’t mention a single thing about tacking up as a problem or complaint.  I’ve only been trying to teach this horse that tacking up isn’t the equivalent of being skinned alive for four years, and he doesn’t have any complaints or suggestions?  Yeah. Fucking. Right.  (She did say he was thin skinned but fucking DUH, thoroughbred.)

I asked her if Murray likes jumping.  Her immediate response was “Not as much as you do.”  I was pretty eager when I asked this question, trying not to be too ridiculous, so it was easy to tell that I like jumping.  It wasn’t like I gloomily asked “does he like to jump” and hoped she would say no.  As we discussed, the communicator said “he feels like he looks really pretty when he jumps, his front end is like this (indicated tight front end with her hands) but his hind end doesn’t follow yet”.  Well that’s not true.  If you’ve seen my horse jump, you’ll know he’s the king of the loose front end but can have a pretty snappy hind end.

She also suggested that one lead change was harder than the other for him.  Congratulations, you’ve just told me something that is true for 100% of the horses on planet Earth.  She said “the left lead, right to left is harder?” and I responded “no, that’s his better change, he struggles left to right”.  “Oh right,” she responded, “he must mean from the left lead.”  Sure, that’s cool, go right ahead and change your answer.

she did say he feels like he can look really pretty and put his ears forward over fences, so that’s something i guess

As we chatted through the jumping thing, Murray’s opinion of jumping slowly morphed from “I don’t love it as much as Nicole does” to “I think we’ll be doing so great at jumping by the end of the year!!”  The communicator didn’t make a big deal about it, and she worked through it fairly seamlessly.  This was the only corner I really saw her get herself in to, and it wasn’t even that hard really — to say that Murray doesn’t like something as much as I do leaves plenty of room for interpretation.

In the end, the communicator apologized to me for having such an awful reading.  Murray was, apparently, very quiet and not giving her much (despite being the type that could complain all day?), so she was really grasping at straws and struggling to hear him.  I get it.  I was skeptical, and wasn’t giving her much to go on, so she could hardly tell me everything my horse was “saying”.

All in all, it probably wasn’t worth the money spent on it, but was an interesting thing to witness once.  And at least it will keep me in good spirits making fun of all the teenagers at my barn who are eating all this shit up.

GoT Bloghop: Murray is Craig Middlebrooks

Over a year ago, Austen started this clever little blog hop talking about our horses as characters from movies (or TV).  And at the time I was like “I don’t know what character my horse is! He’s just Murray! All the good characters are taken! I HATE THIS BLOG HOP!!!”

Never let it be said that we are not well matched in melodrama.

But I finally figured it out!  I now know who Murray’s television personality is.

Murray is Craig Middlebrooks from Parks and Rec.

We all know that Murray just feels way too many feels.  He, quite literally, cannot keep the feels inside his body.

And he is always happy to tell you about them.

Murray freaks out easily.

 

And when that happens, he very desperately needs your help.

His responses to normal stimuli generally fall somewhere between “wildly inappropriate” and “way over the top”.

Especially when he doesn’t want you to know that he likes something.

Lying down is his happy place.

Despite the fact that he just can’t control himself, we love Murray anyway.  He’s just so cute when he’s upset!

alternative pony facts

It’s time, friends. I’m going there.

Alternative pony facts.

Perhaps we should blog hop this?

Fact: Murray is jumping like a deranged moose.

Alternative fact: This horse has incredible jumping form. It’s just the best.  It’s the best jumping form I’ve ever seen. The best jumping form in the world. Nobody has jumping form better than Murray.

Fact: Spot might kill you for a chicken nugget.

Alternative fact: Spot hates alfalfa and treats. In fact she’s the least food motivated horse ever. Nobody hates treats more than Spot.

Fact: Murray is going to bumblingly his way over an 18″ pole.

Alternative fact: This horse is so good.  Look at him leaping over that pole!  He doesn’t want it to touch his feet. He would never touch a pole with his feet.  That pole is probably three feet, no, four feet in the air!  Nobody is more careful than this horse.

Fact: Murray is one lazy sucker.

Alternative fact: Murray is the most active horse with the best work ethic ever! This horse never sleeps! He’s always up and about, doing things, always working, always trying, always thinking.  Nobody sleeps less than Murray.

Fact: Horses are money pits that make their owners crazy in many ways

Alternative fact: Horse are a reasonable and budget-friendly hobby.  Everyone can afford horses!  And everyone who rides horses is totally reasonable and sane.  They would never do anything crazy for their giant pets. Nobody is more reasonable than people who ride horses.

Fact: … and they are constantly trying to kill themselves, requiring alarmingly specialized care for a giant pet

Alternative fact: Horses are so easy to keep, never do anything strange, and can be left unattended for long periods of time.  An idiot could keep one!  Nothing is easier to keep than a horse!

sunday funday

Murray got some much-needed turnout this week, after a week of being locked in because our pastures were partially flooded from the rain a few weeks ago.  Murray took full advantage by rolling seven times, high fiving himself and the air repeatedly, and then galloping around at full speed with his friends.

Oh and also licking the wall for like ten minutes.  Not sure what that was about. (Murray ignored his himalayan salt lick for the last six months and literally just started on it yesterday. After two other horses who borrowed his stall briefly had taste tested.)

Such a graceful and athletic beast

His butt looks HYUUUUGE compared to his little pin head!

run free!

Synchronized rolling with his bestie Cormac…

And later, synchronized bucking!

Also, some light/casual levitation

After indoor playtime Murray got to go out in the big grass pasture with his friends for half an hour or so. This promptly turned into “a few hours” because somebody wouldn’t let his pasture mate’s owner catch him.  Our barn manager had to go stand at the gate for him to acquiesce to coming in for his dinner.

Murray, I love you.

 

nobody falls off the back of a horse

Picture, if you will, Nicole and Murray cruising around a 4 acre pasture after their ride.  It has rained recently, but not in the last day or so.  The grass is green and growing, the ground is soft, and the world smells fresh and clean.

There is an American kestrel sitting on the fenceline, staring intently into a small willow bush.  This fascinates Nicole, our avid young naturalist.  She steers Murray toward the hawk with her knees — riders in fantasy stories always steer their horses with their knees.  Also, she steers with her knees because she is holding her phone in one hand.  Inside the willow bush, starlings are chirping noisily.  The Cooper’s hawk is absorbed in the commotion.

Murray is not interested in the kestrel. He is thinking about grass. Or perhaps water.  Maybe his friend Logan. But definitely not birds.

The pair turn away from the kestrel before getting too close.  They do not want to disturb it.  The kestrel chooses this moment to jump into the willow bush, pouncing upon its prey.  The bush shakes as the birds scuffle within it.

Murray hears the shaking bush – rather, he hears a nineteen foot tall monster shaking ten foot willow trees at him in hot pursuit.  The monster is right behind him.  He does the only thing a sensible creature would do in such a situation.  He runs.  Murray feels that he runs with the speed of the wind.  He runs with the force of a thousand hurricanes. In reality, Murray runs like a small, not-terribly-fast ex racehorse who is a little chubby and not really in shape right now.

Nicole is surprised by the sudden acceleration.  Surprised enough that she loses her seat and is laid out flat behind her saddle for a moment.  She still has a hold of the reins, but has lost both of her stirrups and all semblance of control.  She slides off Murray’s right haunch, holding on to the reins longer than she probably should in a desperate hope to stop the bolt.  She lands on the soft earth and skids through the wet grass, glad she put on her windproof breeches.

Murray reaches the end of the pasture and stops. Nicole is not with him. He turns. Nicole is on the ground. And behind Nicole… there is no monster. There is just a small, insignificant willow bush that isn’t even moving.

He walks back to Nicole. He does not step through his reins. He does not stop to eat grass. He is a good boy.

Nicole makes Murray an extra big bucket.

The American kestrel smiles over its breakfast of starling.

dreamscapes

Weird dreams are my wheelhouse.  I’ve had incredibly vivid, often recurring, and (fortunately) lucid dreams for my entire life.

For example, one particularly common one from my younger years involved me running away from a T-rex through a specific part of the private school I attended in Australia.  I was running and running and running, but of course, nothing could get me further from my impending doom.  So I would wake myself up because frankly, it’s not worth it to be scared in your sleep.

No, I definitely did not watch too much of this movie as a child (or an adult).

I’ve also had lots of strange, strange dreams about horse things.

When I was younger and didn’t ride, I would dream about everything that led up to riding.  I’d carefully groom and tack up a horse to go on a trail ride, but right as we were about to get on I would be woken up to go to school, or snap out of the dream.  EPIC disappointment.  Sometimes I’d go back to sleep and try to replay the dream from the beginning just to get to the riding bit, but of course I’d never get there.  My brain simply didn’t have the data to fabricate a dream about riding, so it wouldn’t.

Because what brain could really fabricate the shit that ACTUALLY happens to me?!

These days my riding dreams involve a fair bit of actual riding, some general interactions with horses, but mostly an absolute ton of weird shit that just would never happen.

Fairly frequently, especially since I competed my first event, I dream that I’m about to go out on cross country but my horse isn’t with me.  Instead, I run the course on foot and jump all the fences on all-fours.  Shockingly there was never a question of whether or not I made time.

 

I also dream a lot about being late for my dressage tests.  I don’t know why this is so much more important for dressage than other phases, but it is.  Usually it’s just your standard running-late ridiculousness — I’m not tacked up, Murray isn’t groomed, I’m still getting dressed etc. during my ride time — but sometimes there are extra weird things.  Murray will disappear out from under me right as I’m supposed to go into the ring.  I’m lost at a show grounds and can’t figure out where to go.  The funniest one involved me shopping at a really oddly laid out Jo Ann’s fabric for stock tie material, from which I had to then make my stock tie, no more than 45 minutes prior to my ride time.

Even in these dreams I’m like “this is ridiculous!  This is completely ridiculous! I  would never do that!”  Sometimes I don’t wake myself up*, just to see what my idiotic dream self is going to do with the situation.

Most recently I dreamed that I was XC schooling with friends (a very particular group and I knew all the friends and horses, and that part alone was fascinating!).  We were having a lovely time schooling until we got to a funny table that is present on the Camelot XC course (though we weren’t schooling at Camelot at the time; not sure where we were).

This table, to be exact. And it’s bigger than it looks, seriously.

The table was placed on a funny downhill-ish approach, and all of our horses were having trouble with it — everyone had stops.  So we went back up the hill a bit to re-approach.  First, my RBF went to it, and instead of jumping it she somehow ended up laying face down on the jump, planking it (like the fad, not the exercise).  She wasn’t hurt, though her horse was nowhere to be seen.  We walked up to her and asked what had happened, and she said “Oh, I thought I’d try something new as we came up to the fence.”

I personally will not be trying that particular new thing any time soon!

If you have weird horse dreams, I wanna hear them!

* Throughout this post I’ve mentioned waking myself up from dreams, which is something I’ve always been able to do, and until my late teens didn’t realise not everybody could do.  It’s as awesome as it seems, but as far as superpowers go, it’s pretty weak overall.

pop songs that are secretly about horses

(Prescript: I had actually intended to add a bunch more songs to this post, but I fell asleep instead. I’ll just have to finish it another time!)

I don’t really know what pop stars are thinking when they write their songs, not being a pop star myself.  Though there are, of course, some obvious ones.  But, unbeknownst to many pop stars, they are actually writing songs about horses and riding.

Yes, it’s true.  And here is the evidence.

Case the first: George Harrison, Got My Mind Set on You.

The lyrics include (and may be limited to):
I’ve got my mind set on you x 1000
It’s going to take money. A whole lot of spending money. It’s going take a whole lotta money, to do it right now [child].
It’s going to take time. A whole lot of precious time. It’s going to take patience and time, to do it (do it x 6) right now.

What else takes a firm mindset, money, patience, and time?!

It’s gonna take a whole lot of money…

John Legend, All of Me

The lyrics include:
I’m on your magical mystery ride, kicking [me] out, what’s going on in that beautiful mind
Love your curves and all your edges, All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me, I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning, Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me, And you give me all of you

When we were at a wedding I actually told my boyfriend that this song was about me and Murray.  He was like “What songs are about us?” and I was like “ummm… the one before was about me and Ellie?”

But for real, as many equestrians have already noticed, this song is about a pretty badass partnership, that has both unconditional love and great cooperation.  If that doesn’t describe the best parts of an equine partner, I don’t know what does.

One Republic, Counting Stars

For the eventers out there, the lyrics include:
I’ve been loving losing sleep thinking about the things that we could be,
I’ll be counting stars (like CCI 1*, 2*, 3*, etc.)
I feel something so right, doing the wrong thing,
I feel something so wrong, doing the right thing, (making new habits is hard)
Everything that drowns me makes me want to fly (ok, maybe this is not super relevant)

Who doesn’t spend their nights thinking about the big jumps they might get to jump?  I MEAN REALLY.

a few things I’ve learned…

… from quitting riding for 4-6 weeks at a time twice in the last five months OR

Quickly become fat, unfit, and unmotivated, in just one easy step!

Eat these to reward yourself for working on your thesis…

I have been making many joyous adult decisions lately, some related to making up for current funemployment, some related to avoiding future funemployment, some related to just finishing up my thesis — which is finally, actually, really happening.  Unfortunately, this means that a lot of days I forgo riding because even though I technically have time to ride and get my work done, I know that if I ride first my work will not get done so… I don’t ride.  And now I will share with you some of the wonderful things I have learned in this time.

There are extra hours in the day
When I was working on my thesis back in March there were suddenly all of these extra hours in my day… like, these weird, daylight hours when I was in my house and working and the sun hadn’t gone down yet and there was all this time… I gained like three hours a day.  It’s much more effective than daylight savings, let me tell you.

I became so unfit I legitimately needed a break between two jump courses
So when you go from riding six+ days a week and assorted barn chores + mucking/feeding on occasion to sitting on the couch and taptaptapping away at your laptop instead you will go from being fit (at least riding fit) to feeling like fat bastard.  It is really embarrassing when you can’t even get around the second half of your course when told to because you need a walk and huff and puff break.

Your event horse might get a hunter bod
Murray looooooooooooooooooves his vacation time.  He became a professional napper during my March hiatus, and again when I was in Australia, and the last two weeks, and basically… all the time now.  Even after I ride he eats about half a bucket, cruises out to his paddock, paws around for a moment in the fluff, and knocks right out.  It’s amazing and adorable, and his topline kinda slowly melted away, gravity pulled it toward his belly, and my lithe, mean, fit, eventing machine is looking kinda portly in the belly region.  It’s okay.  I think it’s cute.

I can haz belly now

Wanting to work hard is… hard
This is especially hard for me to admit, since I’m usually really goal oriented and pushing forward to progress — at least in some area of my riding and Murray’s training.  But when you ride one day a week (or less) and you’re struggling just to find time to schedule lessons, wanting to work hard or go out of your way to make lessons is really hard.  I never really understood when people were just… uninterested in progressing, but I think I get it now.  Part of it is that it’s challenging to try to eke out your little dribs and drabs of progress when there are four or fourteen days between your rides.  And if I don’t feel like working on something with my horse, then why not work on my thesis and let Murray take the day off?

But things are looking up.  The end is drawing near — I flat out refused to pay tuition in the Fall so I will either be a Doctor or a seventh-year-grad-school-drop-out come October.  And either way, I WILL HAVE TIME.  AND A SCHEDULE.  Hopefully a schedule that is not a piece of absolute shit.

Murray does not know this, but hard work is coming…

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That Red Mare: Overly Honest Ads

Daaaaaaaaaamn Cathryn!  Back at it with the on point blog hops!

Offered for your careful consideration, 2009 OTTB Ima Looking Cool, aka “Murray”.  Murray is a 16.2 hand bay thoroughbred who was an utter failure at racing, due not only to his small size at the time of his races (15 hands during his 2-year-old year), but also his lack of focus during training, hatred of the start gate, and refusal to be ridden by anyone but a single female jockey.  This was not for lack of trying, however — the kid is fast.  Which you will very quickly discover if you ever ride him on cross country, turn him out after a few days locked inside, or take him away from home where he will escape your control and run away from you.

Murray is coursing 2’9″-3′ and has free jumped over 4′ at home, but only when psychologically tricked into thinking the fences were 3’3″ or smaller.  In actual fact, this only happened once, as the second time we attempted to free jump him he went screaming through the chute then galloped around the arena for ten minutes and refused to be caught.  See above re: he’s really fast.  Under saddle Murray is really a very straightforward jumper.  He will let you know early and often that if he doesn’t want to jump a fence, so you will become very quick with the whip and develop a really fantastic seat.  If he does want to jump a fence you really don’t have to worry about it — he’ll pull you to it and save your ass every time you miscalculate your distance based on your previous experience with him.  Fortunately, Murray is incredibly quick with his front end and can get himself out of trouble easily; he can jump from basically on top of a fence and still make it over.  Also, will jump absolutely anything up to 2’6″ from a stand still.

Murray has some natural dressage talent, but is unwilling to push with his hind legs, bend his hocks, or come into the bridle without a lengthy warm up.  He is incredibly smart and will memorize his dressage tests after 2-3 run throughs, so at least you won’t need to remember them yourself.  Murray’s cute face and pathetic expressions win lots of points with judges and clinicians, so you’re bound to gain some sympathy points, especially after they see you sit a buck or two.  Dressage tests will never be boring again, I promise.

Loads, clips, ties, and bathes.  Details: Murray will load onto absolutely any trailer ever, as long as you don’t screw up the angle putting him in the last slot on a slant load, at which point he will stand there with two feet in the trailer and look back at you with great consternation.  He does consternation well.  He clips, provided you are willing to outlast his objections and wiggling and get to the point where he regretfully succumbs to his fate.  He kinda ties.  You can’t really tie him, as he might freak out, rear, and/or pull back, but he can also untie blocker rings and many safety knots.  Does not cross tie, just don’t even try it.  Bathes provided warm water is available, will depart rapidly if cold water is the only option.  No stable vices, unless you count shitting in his water bucket if he’s kept in his stall without turnout for more than two days at a time.

Murray is the definition of an honest horse — he wears his heart on his sleeve and lets you know what he is thinking absolutely whenever he is thinking it.  These unfiltered thoughts and opinions will come to you as a combination of velociraptor screams, sideways/backwards steps, bucks, leaps, and occasional violent throwing of himself upon the ground.  No rear, kick, or bite though!  Murray is very respectful of rules that are laid down firmly and consistently, as long as he doesn’t think that they are stupid or are preventing him from eating grass.  If the latter is the case, he will consistently test your rules, occasionally while maintaining eye contact and then become deeply offended when you punish him for breaking a rule.

Murray will teach you the patience of a stone and the creativity of Andy Warhol as you work out the best strategy for getting a girth on him.  Consider this a positive aspect of his personality — we could all use a little more patience and creativity (and supple — we ALL need more supple).  Great horse for a blogger — you will never lack for content or entertaining media.

Extremely talented at lateral movements and backing — can go from 500 mpm forward to backward in 1 second.  Possibly too talented.  Has changes — not auto but willing to do one-tempis any time he feels like it or is upset in any way.  Very flexible lower back when he feels like using it.

Spritely, fun, and cheerful, Murray is a once in a lifetime horse for the teenager with a good attitude and great sense of humor!  Like a good wine, Murray gets better with time, so a lengthy trial will be an option (I took 18 months).  Come and meet him today — as long as you’re not too manly.  Murray doesn’t really like men, or women who are really dominant, or anyone who has ever wronged him.