regretsy

I don’t know if any of you guys remember Regretsy, back from when the internet was new Etsy was still young.  One amazing person on the internet called it “DIY” meats “WTF” and that’s exactly what it was: all the crazy shit you never expected people would actually make.  My favorite thing I ever saw on Regretsy was a unicorn statue on a bed of grass — realistically, a newborn lamb skin stuffed and shaped into a horrific horse-adjacent shape with a horn attached to its forehead, curled up like a little white demon on a bed of astroturf.

And this holiday season as I was looking up horse gifts, once again I encountered DIY (or sometimes machines-IY) meets WTF.  Have they ever SEEN a horse?!

Dear jewelry makers: have you ever actually seen a horse move in real life?! Does this gait even exist?!

A post shared by Nicole Sharpe (@nicolegizelle) on

What gait is this? What is going on with its face? Its hind legs? Can it even stand up straight?!

Also in the: wtf is this gait category

regretsy1 regretsy2

Although that second one also fulfills the “this might not actually be a horse” category.

I can only assume that this next charm was made by the same people who painted on caves approximately 14,000 years ago in France.

regretsy4

regretsy5Then there is, of course, the down-right terrifying…

 

Why anyone would want to iron this onto their shirt is utterly beyond me.

 

 

 

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This pony was taught how to booty tooch by Tyra.

 

 

 

 

And this one is actually pretty solid, until you get to the ears…

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Those widdle eaws….

Normally I would feel a little bad making fun of handcrafted items in public, but I’m pretty sure all of these are made by machines, so I have no regret.  Plus, there’s still plenty of really awesome stuff on Etsy that isn’t weirdly unrealistic/distorted/scary.

SALE - Hand Carved Dragon Horse Skull Real Mule/ Animal Skull Bone with Teeth/ Vintage TaxidermyLike this.  Which is actually kinda badass.

 

 

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14 thoughts on “regretsy

  1. Aw, I miss that era of the Internet. You know, when we were all just laughing at ridiculous things on Etsy and Pinterest and YouTube. Before thinkpieces on the meaning of Starbucks cups. RIP, fun internet. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ahh regretsy… brings back memories lol. also, to be fair, i have pictures of isabel doing each and every one of those ‘gaits’ as demonstrated by those pendants lol. she be speshul

    Like

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