I’ve got a blank space, baby

(On my show entries, that is.)

And I’ll write your name.

Or I would. IF ONLY I HAD ONE.

As long as I’ve been riding Murray, I’ve been thinking of what I should show him as.  His JC name is, in my opinion, rather unfortunate (“Ima Looking Cool”) and I’m not really a fan, though my barn manager thinks it fits him perfectly.  She thinks that it exemplifies both his big ego and how he’s pretty much full of hot air.  I, however, kindof hate it.  I go back and forth, sometimes I’m ok with it, sometimes I really hate it.

Anyway, names are important to me, and I’ve been looking for the perfect show name for us for a long time.  My boyfriend thinks I’ll never find it because I’m too particular, but I really don’t think my criteria are that insane.  All I want is for it to reflect Murray’s quirky personality and perhaps a little bit of his naughtiness, and ideally be funny.  I’m a funny girl, you see (or at least, I think I am), and having a clever, joking, or punny horse’s name announced after mine at a show gives me quite the smile.

We’ve been through several rounds of names now, and now I’m going to present them to you, dear readers, to get your opinions.  I’m going to include all the show names I’ve ever thought of, even the ones too naughty for USEA registration, so that you can be as amused with them as I have.

Unsafe at any Speed — a book written by Ralph Nader that vilified the Chevy Corvair of the 60s.  This name was super appropriate in the beginning, when Murray was as likely to run over you on the ground as to let you get on him.  And also, all the bucking, sideways running, and dirty stops.  However, multiple people told me I wasn’t allowed to use this name because …. of superstition, essentially.

Boldly going forward ’cause we can’t find reverse…

The USS Enterprise — I’m a Star Trek dork. Don’t judge me.

Jordy LeForge — See above.

Battlestar Galactica — Okay, this one was never meant for Murray.  There’s this big bay mare at our barn, seriously she’s as big as a house, and if it weren’t for a debilitating knee injury she’d be such a fantastic eventer.  This would have been her name, but would work for any big mare!

The Honeybadger DC (or DGAF) — This is honestly a leading favourite. I’m not sure if Murray is really that honeybadger like, though he certainly does not give a fuck about me when we’re out on XC and has plenty of ZeeFrankesque characteristics.  I also really like the faux suffix, because it’s almost like he’s a big fancy warmblood or something but really it’s just an acronym and that tickles me.

Konichiwa, Bitches — I thought “konichiwa” was like “aloha” in that it meant both hello and goodbye, so this seemed particularly appropriate in light of Murray’s many escape attempts when away from home.  However, “konichiwa” actually means “good afternoon,” and that made it even funnier.  Of course, all of this is a moo point because you can’t put “bitches” in a USEA name.

Favourite, overused photo is the perfect example of his notoriety…

Notorious OTTB — I really like oldschool rap and especially Biggie Smalls.  I also feel like Murray is slightly notorious.  Also, I think this is punnily hilarious.

Party & Bullshit — This song is basically Murray’s life story.  “I’ve was a terror since the public school era / bathroom passes, cutting classes, squeezing asses,” “Moet popping, hoe hopping, ain’t no stopping Big Poppa, I’m a BAD BOY,” and of course the chorus, which is Murray’s real life anthem: PARTY AND BULLSHIT.  Of course, also not USEA appropriate, much to my great dismay.

My favourite remix, by Ratatat.

Footloose — I like music. Kid’s got some fancy footwork, and he’s pretty nimble when we’re jumping!

Saturday Night Fever — I went through a disco phase.

Stayin’ Alive — I DO love the BeeGees and this also seems curious appropriate to Murray.  Both because it’s shocking how he’s still alive at this point, and because it’s kindof a fight for me to stay alive with him sometimes…

99 Problems — Okay, I swear this is the last rap-related “show” name.  But just think of what a funny announcement this would make!  “And now entering the ring is Nicole with 99 Problems!”

Sublimely Self Righteous — I also like beer. And Murray is pretty self righteous.  And I kindof feel like I might get bonus points on our dressage test if the judge is a beer person?  Who am I kidding, dressage judges drink white wine.

Wilco Tango Foxtrot — This is another beer name, but is almooooooost phonetic alphabet for three little words I use rather often with Murray.

National Public Radio — I thought this possible show name up a long time ago, and it’s always absolutely tickled me.  I could clip the NPR logo into his butt!  I would make such an entrance to the show ring!  And I LOVE NPR!!!

 

So there you have it.  Rather a long, silly list of show names that I will probably never use.  I hope they brought you as much entertainment as they have brought me.