I’ve got a blank space, baby

(On my show entries, that is.)

And I’ll write your name.

Or I would. IF ONLY I HAD ONE.

As long as I’ve been riding Murray, I’ve been thinking of what I should show him as. ¬†His JC name is, in my opinion, rather unfortunate (“Ima Looking Cool”) and I’m not really a fan, though my barn manager thinks it fits him perfectly. ¬†She thinks that it exemplifies both his big ego and how he’s pretty much full of hot air. ¬†I, however, kindof hate it. ¬†I go back and forth, sometimes I’m ok with it, sometimes I really hate it.

Anyway, names are important to me, and I’ve been looking for the¬†perfect show name for us for a long time. ¬†My boyfriend thinks I’ll never find it because I’m too particular, but I really don’t think my criteria are that insane. ¬†All I want is for it to reflect Murray’s quirky personality and perhaps a little bit of his naughtiness, and ideally be funny. ¬†I’m a funny girl, you see (or at least, I think I am), and having a clever, joking, or punny horse’s name announced after mine at a show gives me quite the smile.

We’ve been through several rounds of names now, and now I’m going to present them to¬†you, dear readers, to get your opinions. ¬†I’m going to include all the show names I’ve ever thought of, even the ones too naughty for USEA registration, so that you can be as amused with them as I have.

Unsafe at any Speed — a book written by Ralph Nader that vilified the Chevy Corvair of the 60s. ¬†This name was super appropriate in the beginning, when Murray was as likely to run over you on the ground as to let you get on him. ¬†And also, all the bucking, sideways running, and dirty stops. ¬†However, multiple people told me I wasn’t allowed to use this name because …. of superstition, essentially.

Boldly going forward ’cause we can’t find reverse…

The USS Enterprise — I’m a Star Trek dork. Don’t judge me.

Jordy LeForge — See above.

Battlestar Galactica — Okay, this one was never meant for Murray. ¬†There’s this big bay mare at our barn, seriously she’s as big as a house, and if it weren’t for a debilitating knee injury she’d be¬†such a fantastic eventer. ¬†This would have been her name, but would work for any big mare!

The Honeybadger DC (or DGAF) — This is honestly a leading favourite. I’m not sure if Murray is really¬†that¬†honeybadger like, though he certainly does not give a fuck about me when we’re out on XC and has plenty of ZeeFrankesque characteristics. ¬†I also really like the faux suffix, because it’s almost like he’s a big fancy warmblood or something but really it’s just an acronym and that tickles me.

Konichiwa, Bitches — I thought “konichiwa” was like “aloha” in that it meant both hello and goodbye, so this seemed particularly appropriate in light of Murray’s many escape attempts when away from home. ¬†However, “konichiwa” actually means “good afternoon,” and that made it even funnier. ¬†Of course, all of this is a moo point because you can’t put “bitches” in a USEA name.

Camelot Horse Trials -- but mostly tribulations!Favourite, overused photo is the perfect example of his notoriety…

Notorious OTTB — I really like oldschool rap and especially Biggie Smalls. ¬†I also feel like Murray is slightly notorious. ¬†Also, I think this is punnily hilarious.

Party & Bullshit — This song is basically Murray’s life story. ¬†“I’ve was¬†a terror since the public school era / bathroom passes, cutting classes, squeezing asses,” “Moet popping, hoe hopping, ain’t no stopping Big Poppa, I’m a BAD BOY,” and of course the chorus, which is Murray’s real life anthem: PARTY AND BULLSHIT. ¬†Of course, also not USEA appropriate, much to my great dismay.

My favourite remix, by Ratatat.

Footloose — I like music. Kid’s got some fancy footwork, and he’s pretty nimble when we’re jumping!

Saturday Night Fever — I went through a disco phase.

Stayin’ Alive — I DO love the BeeGees and this also seems curious appropriate to Murray. ¬†Both because it’s shocking how he’s still alive at this point, and because it’s kindof a fight for me to stay alive with him sometimes…

99 Problems — Okay, I swear this is the last rap-related “show” name. ¬†But just think of what a funny announcement this would make! ¬†“And now entering the ring is Nicole with 99 Problems!”

Sublimely Self Righteous — I also like beer. And Murray¬†is pretty self righteous. ¬†And I kindof feel like I might get bonus points on our dressage test if the judge is a beer person? ¬†Who am I kidding, dressage judges drink white wine.

Wilco Tango Foxtrot — This is another beer name, but is almooooooost phonetic alphabet for three little words I use rather often with Murray.

National Public Radio — I thought this possible show name up a long time ago, and it’s always absolutely tickled me. ¬†I could clip the NPR logo into his butt! ¬†I would make such an entrance to the show ring! ¬†And I¬†LOVE NPR!!!

 

So there you have it.  Rather a long, silly list of show names that I will probably never use.  I hope they brought you as much entertainment as they have brought me.